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This particular Buzzard is way more interesting...

3/28/2012

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…than most folks. We think so, anyway. There's a good chance you'll think so, too.
 
Jebediah Buzzard was Arkansas’ first late night TV horror host (Fright-Time Funhouse), he's worked as a carny pitchman, and – a couple of years back, in his spare time – he decided to go ahead and make his own horror flick and CD. Operating much like a self-published author, he did them his way.
 
The movie is called Golgotha, AR and the title leads a person to wonder: Who in their right mind names their movie, Golgotha, AR? J. Buzz, that's who. We assume the name is a tip o' the hat to the 1935 French semi-classic, Golgotha, but maybe not. The French film revolves around the big guy, Jesus Christ. J. Buzzard's flick revolves around zombies. And the zombies are, by and large, the picture's heroes.
 
Like we said, he has an interesting approach to life.

Having conquered the cinematic universe, Jeb then stomped on the throat of the music business, reeling off his very own musical masterpiece, D.I.Y. or Die!!! by Jebediah Buzzard and the Buzztones. The reason we think D.I.Y. is worthy of some attention is two-fold: We like Buzzard’s dark, growly voice, and we can’t help but be interested in some of the tracks on the CD. We’re not saying that Great Googa Mooga, You Gave Me Leprosy or Swamp Whore will start your toes a’tappin’ but, you have to admit, the CD offers a fresh sound for your next Halloween party. Plus, Katy Perry won’t be doing a cover version of anything on this album. Ever.
 
There’s a third reason we’ve enjoyed J.B.’s company of late. For $5 and a good laugh, he brought our Frankenstein, P.I. theme song to life, country-style. We love what he did, especially at the end. Take a listen below and see if you like it, too.


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Complaints, we get complaints...

3/21/2012

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...and, man, are we happy to get 'em. Because that means there are at least a couple of people reading our work.
 
We're posting Ninjelephant -- to the left -- because studies have shown that more people visit websites that feature fun images. Or cute animals or porn.  We think a sword-welding elephant is fun. Not everyone agrees but those people are wrong. (The mighty Ninjelephant is © or TM or ® or whatever by its creator, Matthew R. Turner.)
 

So who's been complaining at us? The Good Cousin said she was going to work and, absorbed by the silliness of Aly's Luck, nearly missed her stop. So it wasour fault she almost clocked in late that day. On the other hand, no harm/no foul, and she really liked the novel.
 
The next day, a Beloved Reader contacted us to ask where the sequel was to The Atheist's Daughter. She asked because we'd blogged about starting a sequel over two months ago and she is tired of waiting.
 
Beloved Reader is exactly right, 'cause it's not her fault it takes us six months (and longer) to finish a novel. Knowing we need to pick up our pace and our pages, we looked around to see how it's done. (We really did. Talk about silly.) Luckily, we found a piece in Slate Magazine called "How to Write Faster" by Michael Agger -- here. Read it and you'll find some sage advice that's, truly, not very inspiring. Manage your work space, establish a set writing time, don't doink around with the internet when you should be writing...zzzzzzzzzzz.
 
Plus there's this tip: Maintain low emotional arousal.
 
We're not exactly sure what that means but we refer to it frequently. "How's the writing coming?" "Not so good but all is well. I'm maintaining low emotional arousal." "Have you finished the article?" "The middle bit sucks. I'm struggling." "HAVE YOU MAINTAINED LOW EMOTIONAL AROUSAL?"
 
Agger's article did offer one more piece of wisdom: "S. K. Perry reports that the promise of money has a way of stimulating writerly 'flow.' Amazing!" -- and, personally, we think this S.K. Perry person might be on to something. So, Beloved Reader, give us a hand with our sequel, would you?
 
Send money....

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"Whirr! Click! Take me to your leader..."

3/14/2012

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...says Cousin Eerie at the end of a not-very-good story published in the horror comic magazine, Eerie #45. We feel fairly okay when we insult the story since Harrell is the one who wrote it. Many years ago, when he was not only a teenager but a fairly young teen, at that.

("I thought you said the ground was firm enough for a safe landing, DeHaan! I thought you said --"

"Shut up, you ---! Shut up!" -- RI, Master of Men)
 
All of which comes to mind today because Dark Horse Books has released Eerie Archives Volume 9 ($49.99 retail or $31.14 here -- and, no, Harrell makes not one penny off of the book) and Volume 9 includes the not-very-good RI, Master of Men. Volumes 1 - 8 do NOT contain RI, Master of Men and should, therefore, be considered more worthy of your immediate purchase.
 
(By the way, it turns out the ground was not firm enough for a safe landing, sending the rocket ship into the Moon itself. Yes, I said, INTO the Moon.
 
"You are at the center of our planet...in the center of the "Moon", as you might call it. And we brought you here when your ship broke through our crust" -- RI, Master of Men)
 
You might wonder how a young and inexperienced writer sold an 8-page script to Warren Publications. The answer is easy enough: Harrell had a mentor. He'd started a correspondence with a kind and talented comic book writer and the writer was good enough to send him sample scripts and, later, to critique his work. (He's since tried to contact the writer, without success, so we're holding off on sharing his name for now.) With the successful writer's guidance, a passable script was written and sold. The marvelous Martin Salvador was given the job of drawing the pages and his artwork almost makes the story worth your time.
 
So how does Harrell feel about finding the story in print again as part of an expensive hardcover collection? He's delighted. He hadn't read the story in years, discovered it was just as cheesy as he'd remembered, and he can't wait to share it with his kids. Some day, he hopes, he'll share it with his grandchildren, too.
 
"Hit me, idiot! What difference can it make now? You've doomed us all!" -- RI, Master of Men

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Some things are just wrong...

3/8/2012

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...and here's one of 'em. The blurry little yellow item to your left is a candy Peeps® which is Always in Season per the good folks at Just Born, Inc. This particular treat is a Dipped Marshmallow Peeps®...and, we can't help it, it appears to us that this little goodie has soiled itself.
 
Which isn't to say that one of us didn't munch it up, anyway. We have our standards but, honestly, those standards weaken before such sugary goodness.
 
Which somehow brings us to tomorrow's big movie release. The folks at Disney -- and, as some of you know, we have a tiny history with the folks at Disney -- but, anyway, the folks at Disney have dropped about a quarter of a billion dollars to bring the world its next big movie franchise, John Carter. Which, in its early stages, was called John Carter of Mars.
 
We're hoping the flick is good because we'd like to see it. Both of us read A Princess of Mars years and years ago (you can read it for free, if you'd like, right here) and we remembered the basic storyline. A Confederate Captain during the Civil War, all-around stud John Carter is -- pretty mystically -- transported to Mars. The locals call their planet "Barsoom", their world is dying, and they're somehow not immediately enamored of the tiny Terran who has just popped up to visit. Stud or not. Nonetheless, it's going to fall to John C. to save them all from the big Dirt Nap.
 
Written a hundred years ago, we both thought the story was...well, dated but fun and exciting for what it was and when it originated. Not much on characterization but heavy on the action. So why do we open this post by saying, "Some things are just wrong"? Because half of this team heard about the movie, heard the title, and announced, "I know what we're going to write as our next project."
 
"We already have our next project," said the sensible part of the team.
 
"Our next project," said the less sensible half of Renée Harrell, "is a hot romance with science fiction elements. And we'll call it, Joan Carter of Bars."
 
This was a bad idea. But, wait!, it gets worse.
 
Y'see, in Joan Carter of Bars, a Confederate Army nurse is -- pretty mystically -- transported to modern day Georgia. She arrives in a cheap and disreputable gin mill called Soom's Bar. (No, the storyline is not subtle.) The locals are bitter, their town is dying, and a couple of 'em are hoping to drink away their troubles while engaging in sordid activities with a hired prostitute. Instead of the prostitute, Joan Carter arrives.The barflies are somehow not immediately enamored of the disapproving, oddly-dressed, last century survivor who has just popped in to visit. Nonetheless, it's going to fall to Joan C. to save the town...oh, and find true love.
 
Sanity prevailed and we did not write this book. However, if you or you want to pick up the pen and give it a go, you have our good wishes. Because, truth be told, we'd kinda like to read it....

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The first rule of the Fan Club is....

3/2/2012

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...well, we'll get to that. In the meantime, we're delighted to announce that Aly's Luck is finally in print (here) and also available in e-form (just about everywhere but, if you're Amazon-specific, just go here).
 
If you're in the mood for a space opera that one editor called "a kind of eclectic mix of 'The Stainless Steel Rat', Monty Python, Indiana Jones, Dr. Who and the Bob Hope, Bing Crosby 'Road to...' movies", then this just might be a book for you. The same editor called the story, "hilarious".
 
The esteemed editor in question is Steve Haynes of Proxima Books. If you read and like our novel, know that it's much improved from its original manuscript. Steve helped us with edit after edit, and we will be forever grateful to him. We are among the founding members of the Steve Haynes Fan Club and we encourage you to join our group.
 
(For $25 US, you'll get a copy of Aly's Luck, a certificate of membership, and a button that reads, Yay! Steve Haynes! *Please note: Steve Haynes has no affiliation with the Steve Haynes Fan Club. Although he is a skilled editor and a wonderful person, we fear he may be litigious. The first rule of the Steve Haynes Fan Club? We do not tell Steve Haynes about the Steve Haynes Fan Club. The second rule of the Steve Haynes Fan Club? We DO NOT tell Steve Haynes about the Steve Haynes Fan Club.)
 
If you read and don't like the story, well, that's not Steve's fault. After he'd completed his work, we wrote a new beginning, Renée designed a new cover, and we did still another edit. Finally, today, it's complete.
 
If this is the kind of thing you like, we think you'll like this kind of thing.

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    Come on in! This

    is the electronic home of Renée Harrell. Did you bring any wine?

    Picture

                       Renée         &       Harrell


    It's about time you got here.

    We aren't kidding about the wine.
     
    This is where we talk about writing...
    ...our writing, mostly. We also discuss kiva.org, Hunting Monsters Press, the magic bakery, self-publishing, pseudonyms, life itself -- a bunch of things.
     
    Thanks for stopping by. It wouldn't be the same without you.
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    Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance
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