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Technology is not our friend...

1/29/2013

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Picture
...and it's not your friend, either. Oh, no, it is not.
 
 If you've found these words on Facebook via a mobile source -- cell phone or tablet -- you've probably noticed that we duplicated last week's post. We didn't do this on purpose. We did this because modern technology hates us.
 
After we wrote our blog last week, we saw that Facebook wasn't linking-up with our RSS Feed. We still don't know why. Researching, we found a link that said Facebook no longer supported RSS Feeds. Why, Facebook, why? But the link said all is not lost, our blog would still appear if we did...all of these irritating steps,a really complicated bit of pain-in-the-assery. Since complicated pain-in-the-assery type of stuff is tiring and frequently over our heads, we took the easy route. We asked the people hosting this website to share our words with our Facebook friends.
 
Weebly stepped up and did this for us. Problem solved!
 
-- or it would have been, if our RSS Feed didn't somehow start working again. Why, RSS Feed, why? The next thing we knew, mobile readers found two links to the Plague House blog. And this wasn't a blog worth reading twice.
 
Technology deplores us.
 
Meanwhile, and not off-subject, a couple of days ago, we get an email from an Aly's Luck reader. The reader wants to know (a) if we've written a sequel; and (b) if there's some mysterious reason why many of the paragraphs in Chapter 14 are missing their indentations. Like, was squishing all of the paragraphs together an intentional act, a clever play on the backward practices of the Bugworld itself?
 
So we reach into our files, find the original manuscript, and discover that all of its paragraphs are indented properly. Things look good. When we bring the novel up on our Kindle, a big chunk of Chapter 14 is kind of wonky and not in a good way. Paragraph after paragraph just run together.
 
We're forced to tell our reader that we haven't written a sequel (yet, if ever) and that we'll fix the paragraph thing soon. One of us wanted to tell him that the wonky paragraphs were intentional but, since we only have about seven readers in the world, we felt we should be honest, instead. We tell him that technology wants to lure us into a back alley, mug us, stab us, and leave us for dead.
 
While we were trying to figure out why things had gone weird, we heard from another writer friend we know. She'd heard about our Aly's Luck problems and knew we were playing with the page layout. She's warned us that we may need to redo every manuscript we have on Amazon. The new-ish Kindle Paperwhite has a glitch in it that doesn't like Word documents and things! must! be! changed!
 
If you're a writer, here's a link that says much of the same.
 
Technology, you're a real rat bastard, you know that?

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Welcome to Plague House...

1/22/2013

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Picture
...Population: Two.
 
Eleven days ago, we visited with some family members and their adorable 18-month old baby. Baby was bright and beautiful, toddling about...and his little baby nose was dripping. The wee one was coughing.
 
The wee one was sick.
 
This particular writing team knew enough to avoid the precious virus-carrier but we mistakenly believed that good hand washing and our mutant healing abilities would be enough to ward off any possible illness. Two days later, we both learned this was wrong.
 
Feeling neither bright nor beautiful, we've been toddling about for the last nine days, our uncute non-baby noses dripping. We've been coughing. We've been sick.
 
Not that you care but it's currently 22 degrees Fahrenheit outside (-5.5556 Celsius to the rest of the world) and that doesn't count the wind chill factor. And, baby, the wind is blowing. 
 
We know, we know: We finally get back to our website and all we do is whine. After all, we're pretty certain this isn't the flu -- neither of us has had high fevers or a general body ache -- but it's been a fairly intense cold. We're happy to report that Baby has shaken the bug completely.
 
A casual friend heard about our misery and knew exactly what we could do to get over our sickness. (Sicknesses? Sicknessi?) In a loving and generous spirit, she sent us some info. Read this, her email commanded. It may save your life.
 
Intrigued, and currently in favor of saving our lives, we read on. Per the e-message, we discovered that a frozen lemon peel is a marvelous thing. Grated into fine slivers of peel-ness, it can be sprinkled over any food product: All foods will unexpectedly have a wonderful taste, something you may never have experienced before...an experiment one of us wanted to try immediately and preferably over a Little Debbie Cream Cheese Streusel Cake. (There are NINE grams of fat in one of those Little Debbie cakes and no person alive sits down to eat a single Little Debbie cake. Mutant healing ability doesn't prevent a bulging belly. Just sharing.) But there was still more to learn about the marvelous lemon and its peel.
 
The email revealed lemon peels contain 5 to 10 times more vitamins than lemon juice itself and these peels are health rejuvenators in eradicating toxic elements in the body. That's the lemon secret! Better late than never, right? The surprising benefits of lemon!...all of which we could probably accept because, c'mon, we just don't care enough to do the research. Also, the California Lemon Industry probably doesn't count on the fruit's rind to send their profits soaring. While we weren't going to throw some lemon zest into our oatmeal, we were considering adding a container of  Newman's Own Old Fashioned Lemonade onto the shopping list.
 
Our friend sent us this information to help us battle a little respiratory inconvenience. The original composer of this letter wanted to make an even bigger claim: Lemon is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells, the email continued. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy. Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits -- and, The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that it destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas...

Because we've both lost loved ones to the disease, we're a little sensitive about bogus cancer cures. This time, we did do our research and shame on whoever started this silly horsepap. (Horsepap is a really cool new word and it's being used by all the celebrities. You should use it, too.) We discovered that the drug manufacturers aren't hiding a series of lemony fresh lab tests to profit on human agony. We learned that the lemon tree is not yet more effective than chemotherapy in treating cancers. As it turns out, this bit of quasi-nonsense has been floating around in the electronic sphere for awhile now and it came to the attention of  Snopes.com. Bottom line on the email we received? All of those claims are hyperbole and exaggeration and not supported by facts.
 
For now, we'll leave the Newman's on the shelf while we continue to wash our hands and blow our noses. Next week, we'll talk about what's been happening, writing-wise. Also, next week, Harrell promises to reveal how Little Debbie Cream Cheese Streusel Cake improves sexual performance, strengthens the spine, and eradicates toe fungus...but only if I let him go out and buy a box of the goodies today.
 
Guess we'll never find out.

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For our New Year's resolution...

1/15/2013

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…we’re planning to eat a few more donuts. (This image came courtesy of Shutterstock, which has been offering weekly free images as a promo ploy. If you have a need for occasional free images of random subjects, you might consider signing up.)
 
Hey, after the year we’ve just had, we’ve earned a little doughy goodness. Life is short. No longer feeling quite as invincible as we used to, we’re planning to celebrate each day as it comes. Except the crappy days. Because, let’s be honest, lousy days don’t deserve celebration; however, it’s still easier to enjoy a bad day if you’ve recently had a donut in your mouth.

 We’ve been away for a bit but hope to do better in 2013. Thanks so much to everyone who wrote or called or came by, asking how things were going. We want to give a special shout-out to the good people at bestessays.org, who were kind enough to write in and say, "In actual fact amazing exertion with the blog. I do akin to your unbreakable job and will kill time for more post from you as post gave me contentment and gives some help to do the same work. Thanks a lot...." (Yes, we're quoting them exactly. And, yes, they're clearly spamming our site. Still, I think their post says more about their company and their abilities to write essays than even they knew.)
 
For us, times were a bit bumpy but are going much better now.

Our other New Year’s resolution is to keep the MarsNeedsWriters website active on a regular basis. You might think this is a no-brainer: every writing team needs a website to promote their work. From our experience, you’d be wrong.

The first month we were away from our electronic home, e-sales rumbled along about as they had before. The second month? Sales went up and in a very good way.

We have no idea why. New reviews weren’t appearing on the web, we hadn’t done interviews; we’d gone into deep cover from the world. Apparently, the less people know about us, the more likely they are to buy our books.

Despite this, we came back, anyway. Even if it cost us money, we’re here for you. (Just don’t tell anybody.) We just hope that our blogging doesn't come easily; in actual fact, it requires amazing exertion. It's all worth it, though, if this post gives you contentment....

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    Come on in! This

    is the electronic home of Renée Harrell. Did you bring any wine?

    Picture

                       Renée         &       Harrell


    It's about time you got here.

    We aren't kidding about the wine.
     
    This is where we talk about writing...
    ...our writing, mostly. We also discuss kiva.org, Hunting Monsters Press, the magic bakery, self-publishing, pseudonyms, life itself -- a bunch of things.
     
    Thanks for stopping by. It wouldn't be the same without you.
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